December 2009
Walter: I just don't want to say the wrong thing...
Me: No, Walter! Say what you mean! Say what you feel! Be honest! Be blunt! ... Wow, I feel like a line from Romeo and Juliet.
Walter: Well, if that's a line from Romeo and Julet, then what I'm about to say is, too. ... I feel like I fell in love with you a long time ago, Jordan.
books, books, books.
So, I’m reading Looking for Alaska over again because 1) I’m bored and I have nothing else to do, 2) It was an amazing book that I want to relive, and 3) It’s someone’s Christmas present from me that I’m giving them the fifth. And I don’t remember ever finishing this book, so I must. Books spark interesting conversations, and even though I already have many with...
“Ya’ll smoke to enjoy it. I smoke to die.”
– Looking for Alaska
"it's two-fortyyyy! two-fortyyy! call me more...
So, I’m awake at 2:40 AM which Walter and I both know is very scarcely true. Actually, I had stayed up for HP. Instead of calling Walter like I usually do, I’ve been calling HP for the past three nights while trying to pursue him and love and yadayada with a cute senior instead of being cared for by my best friend. So, when I parted with HP at 2:35 AM and started crying because he said...
“Cause I know better not to be friends with boys with girlfriends. Oh, I know...”
– Boys with Girlfriends - Meiko
withoutalittlesoul:
So blue moon on new years and I keep getting bible verses on just having faith and not being afraid because God is my saviour. Be happy, do good with what you have, God will never fail you.
I hate to keep being the person that looks for something behind everything, but is his finally gonna ebe a different year?
I thought the exact same thing when I heard the news of the...
i hate the people who ruin oprah moments. i'm a...
Theresa: fact about me; words never come out the right way that i mean for them to be
Me: fact about me; i lost the game.
if i don't get to start over then i freak out.
Okay, so I’m not the type of person who can start over or change in an instant, unless it’s planned. Like, New Years, for instance. It’s like right at twleve AM I’m going to become nice, intelligent, and less awkward. Right at twelve I’m ceasing the overeating (eating for emotional pleasure or amusement), lying, and whining. For some reason, I can’t start/stop...
The times you “treated me oh so well” was done in VAIN. you’re so VAIN. You freak out if you’re not better than someone. Just, stop trying. Stop it. ACCEPT that we’re all EQUAL. STOP TRYING TO BE BETTER THAN ME PLEASE. we’re equal. we always will be.
so, when I pray and get over this phase, you’re going to be a jerk and know that you won. when in reality,...
i weigh one hundred thirty pounds.
130 pounds. I’m so fucking fat, and I absolutely hate it. I wish I had the self control to be anorexic. I wish I had the strength to be bulimic. But I don’t. I’m going to get fat, it’s in my blood, like most of my family. I don’t look at them and see digusting; I think they’re beautiful that way. It isn’t even fat on them. It’s curves. But on...
Become intoxicated with me.
this just isn't my time.
Everyone who’s ever talked to me around twelve in the morning know that I become crazy emotional. I think things that aren’t true, I take things too seriously, and I doubt everything that went well during the day. And then the best part is that I’m usually on the phone with Walter at this time, and I babble and rant to him about how crazy I am. But really, we both know that I...
“There will be no rules tonight
If there were we’d break ‘em...”
– Our Time Now - Plain White T’s
it feels good, doesn't it?
It feels good to be chosen. It feels good to learn that you have the talent or the “look”. It feels good to be better than hundreds and thousands of others. It feels good to be wanted by the public, by the agents, by hungry people who want more people to worship.
I’ve had this happen multiple times. But I’ve never had the money to go through with it. I mean, I...
starting over isn't good enough for me.
I just deleted something about someone unimportant on my tumblr, and I ended up accidentally deleting our conversation as well. I think it’s a sign. Of how when you start over, sure, it’s great. You get to forget all the bad memories. But when you start over, you also have to forget all the good ones. As I think about it now, I don’t really want to do that. I’ll deal with...
i'm finally the way i want to be as a person,
and tomorrow I’m changing my look to fit it. I’ve got an aunt who’s going to cut my bangs, 250 bucks, and a clear idea of who I’m going to be. It isn’t a drastic change, actually. It’s who I’ve always wanted to be. It’s me. I’m not thinking of anyone else in this decision. It’s just that now I finally have the resources and help to do it.
“I’ve been thinking about why I haven’t felt happy this Christmas a...”
– Walter
being reminded of the past is fine, just fine.
I thought of you. Not because I think of you all the time. No. I thought of you because I was watching Sxephil, a youtuber we both liked. And he mentioned something that you used to talk about all the time. So, I texted you to reminisce. It was a joke, a mere memory; something we both had once enjoyed to talk about. I texted you, and you blew it up in my face. Thanks.
I don’t think the past...
i'm going to at least try.
Be happy, all of you who warned me that this was only going to hurt me. You were right. And rejoice, for I am stopping this now. I’m ending my days as a whore. If a guy likes me then he’ll respect me enough to date me once he truly knows me. Yes, Thomas and Walter: I’m no longer going to break my own heart. Thank you for caring enough to bring on an intervention.
And also,...
“I have this theory. I think that once you like someone, you like them forever....”
through everything, we still know how to laugh.
Lola: man slut is what he is.
Me: or manwhore.
Lola: i like man slut better, loll.
Me: Suit yourself. :)
Lola: "i'm out of ideas" LOLOL.
Me: LOL. i loveee you, lola.
Lola: i love yaaaa', too.
you got me hypnotized, so mesmerized & i just got...
Thomas: Why don't you find an actual boyfriend instead of making yourself look like a slut and hurting yourself at the same time?
Me: I haven't found him yet.
Thomas: Just go for Walter. He doesn't want a girlfriend, but maybe you can change his mind.
Me: I like him being my best friend. I don't want to lose that.
Thomas: Suit yourself. I'm out of ideas.
Ron: 'Scuse me, scary orb thing? Where are you taking us?
Robot: The attitude adjustment center.
Kim: Isn't that the high school?
Robot: Prepare to be drained of all individuality and spirit.
Ron: Yep, high school.
My words are choppy; my eyes are watering; I’m trying to give up. Please don’t let me. Please make me fight this. I need you. Even if you’re never going to read this.
I overcame so much in a matter of minutes. I have an amazing best friend that I’m going to hold on to, and vice versa, so that we both stay up above the water. This feels like a movie, or like we’re...
Listen
how many times can i tell you that you aren't what...
Like the dates on movies: the guy gets out of the car, opens the door for the girl, walks her to her door, and kisses her goodnight. What happened with us: you hopped out of your car, opened my door after my failed attempt at opening it myself, walked me to my door while joking about needing a jacket to throw over the invisible puddle, and hugged me goodnight.
I think I like the fact that...
Listen
what i should've said: "please make the right...
Her: Okay he likes me. What do I do? Ah!
Me: LOL. Date him. :)
Me: I wish I could start over.
Alex: I hate starting over. I want my old life.
Me: I don't have an old life.
Alex: I want Washington.
Me: I want love.
Alex: I have that.
Me: Lucky.
Me: Would you get mad if I kissed him back tonight?
Him: Why? Why would I care if you kissed him im not dating you? But gtg bye.
Me: Well, I guess it's just me then. I don't want to kiss him. I only want to kiss you. Bye.
I’ve pushed away people my entire life. Now, I’m desperate to pull them back in. I’ve been there. I’ve done that - so many times. So many times that I’m immune to it myself. Sure, I’ll give you your space. But I’ll always let you know that you’re never truly alone.
Which you aren’t. You especially. You’re so gorgeous that you attract...